
Since the country has been going in and out of lockdown, the only option for me has been to play on my own. Playing without a real audience has been one of the most harmful implications the virus has had on my work as a musician. I realised that the spirit with which I play substantially feeds off the energy emanated from a live audience, and the process of recording myself and posting my work on social media has been a different experience all together. On the one hand it has been incredibly demotivating performing without the guarantee that anyone will hear me play, on the other hand, I feel that it has encouraged me to explore my own personal resources of expression, allowing me to move beyond the self-conscious display of musical character, and on to a state of self-awareness which more effectively allows me to accept imperfection along with the quirks of my personality.
The lockdown makes more depression for me but sometimes I use the feeling of sadness to play with.